Monday, February 13, 2006

Lamaze II

Aren't you supposed to feel more prepared after your last lamaze class? We don't.

It's nothing personal. The instructor taught us everything that she was supposed to. We watched all of the necessary videos. We even practiced the techniques. But we came out of the four classes with more questions than answers.

  1. Why haven't they made a birthing video since the 1970's?
  2. In these videos, why are all of the women naked? Were hospital gowns yet to be invented at the time of filming?
  3. Is a baby doll getting stuck in a plastic skeletal pelvis really the best way to show us what is about to happen?
Some of the problem may have been our lack of focus. We started to giggle every time we were supposed to do breathing techniques. All I could think of was Bill Cosby's stand-up routine about natural childbirth. It's OK, though. All of this may not matter, as we know that the kid will come out regardless of how much lamaze information we have retained.

We still have to pack the bag for the hospital. And Steph needs to pick a "focal point" to concentrate on during labor. She is wondering how long we can keep an Eat'n Park Cookie Fudge Fantasy from melting. I'm wondering if she will be able to chase me down the hall while I eat it.

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